Today was a rough one (you'd never know it from the smile on my face ... but that was last night) ... today my second REAL day on Isagenix and I felt like crap all day. My head hurt and it felt like nothing was clicking. Everyone was on my nerves. I did some writing in the morning. Something inside me revealed -- this deep, dark secret ... one that's been lurking for years, surfacing only occasionally in 'the other shoe dropping sort of way.' You know, when things are starting to look up.
It's a message that plays like this ... you are fat and therefore don't deserve a relationship, you don't deserve success, you don't deserve love. Oh, yeah, and your feelings, they don't matter. So suck it up kid .. this is you life.
I got here today by looking at the mandatory photos for the Isagenix Challenge. OMG! I never really saw how big I was until I looked at the pictures! Ugh!!!
Then I wrote a manifesto of sorts, a declaration of why I'm doing this and the above message revealed itself.
It's almost midnight and I made it through the crap. I called on friends, I told them my story. I'm a storyteller, it's what I do for a living, but I rarely reveal my true hurts to friends. Usually I laugh them off, then I stuff down my feelings secretly when no one's looking.
But this time, I'm doing it differently. This time I'm really changing. Isagenix is not a diet, it's a detox system ... I'm detoxing my body, my mind and my soul.
Clearly, it's not going to be easy 100% of the time. There will be days, like today, when I feel like giving up. But here's the thing, I've got a coach, Mindy Schinnerer, who really cares. She reached out to me today just because she wanted to make sure I was ok.
So yeah, today was a rough one, but I'm still here. Still sticking to the program. And I'll be back tomorrow to continue this journey.
This is my wish. I wished for a healthy life ... thanks to the Isagenie ... it's time for that wish to come true.
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